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These two simple words can do more to diffuse a potentially charged situation than almost any other in the English language. Personal accountability is a skill that can be developed, and when acknowledged, “owning it” can cause a ripple effect in your life, and can have a significant positive impact on your relationships. In today’s episode, Tony references the article How To Help Your Child with Accountability by Erin Leonard Ph.D. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parenting/201902/how-help-your-child-accountability and then applies this information, and more, into our adult relationships. Why is it so difficult to admit fault, and how does our own lack of ownership of our own problems affect our children, as well as our relationships with others?

Ep229 Accountability
[00:00:00] Coming up on today's episode of The Virtual Couch. Own it, own your part of your own life. We're talking about accountability today. Are you one who says "my bad" or are you one who typically says "that wasn't me, it wasn't my fault". We're going to talk about how to own your own part of your own life. We're going to talk about how to model accountability to your kids. That and so much more coming up on this episode of The Virtual Couch.

[00:00:32] Hey, everybody, welcome to Episode 229 of the virtual couch. I am your host, Tony Overbay and I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified mindful habit coach, writer, speaker, husband, father of four and creator of the all new revamped Path Back Recovery Program. If you are trying to put pornography behind you once and for all, then please stop by. We're talking literally yesterday. The Path Back site has been completely revamped, rewritten from the ground up and things added new features, weekly phone calls, Q&A calls that are coming up, accountability forums, all kinds of good stuff.

[00:01:10] So head over to pathbackrecovery.com and check that out. And you if there's that, we've revamped even the ebook five myths that people believe when trying to overcome pornography, we put that behind them once and for all. So just stop over there at path back recovery. Dotcom and I have been very, very grateful, pleased, excited about the number of people that are signing up for to learn more about my magnetic marriage course. So you can do that by stopping by Tony Overbay Dotcom and just just sign up to find out more. There's still the free parenting courses on there as well and links to all of the podcasts and podcasts that I've been a guest on. And there's just a whole lot happening. So I'm really excited about that. But I want to and please head over to Instagram. I have a couple of people that are just amazing that are working with me behind the scenes, that are posting some quotes from different episodes. So the the Instagram traffic or feedback is is has been amped up as well. So you can find me at Virtual Couche on Instagram and again, stopped by Tony Overbay dot com and sign up to find out more about the magnetic marriage course that is going to I promise this is going to deliver. You are going to have a better marriage. You're going to have a more magnetic marriage. You're going to learn how to communicate more effectively by the things that we talk about in that course.

[00:02:26] All right. Let's get to today's topic, which is one that has just been I feel like it's it's always there. It's always simmering under the surface. But I feel like I have had so many examples that have just been popping up in front of me over the last two or three weeks, in particular just about the concept of accountability, accountability and ownership. And this is owning one's own part in their life, owning one's story, owning the story that they tell others. And I truly do want to say right out of the gate, I understand that taking ownership or accountability can be hard. It can be scary. It can cause you to sit in some pretty, pretty heavy emotions. And I know I've done episodes in the past on the concept of a primary emotion versus a secondary emotion. But often we are so attuned or so accustomed to not wanting to sit in that primary emotion that we immediately turn to a secondary emotion. And that secondary emotion can be blame. It can be pushing, it can be lack of accountability or lack of ownership. Here's what that can look like. A primary if let's say that we did something or we forgot to do something or we broke something or we lost something. And our immediate thought is that feels bad. We feel sad. We feel embarrassed. Here's one that I often hear as well.

[00:03:40] I mean, it's so classic or so cliched, but somebody loses their keys or can't find their wallet, their core, their immediate thought or reaction, if they really dig deep, might be embarrassment. You know, I'm a 50 year old adult who can't keep track of my keys. So instead of sitting with that embarrassment and saying, man, this stinks, I mean, I lose my keys all the time. I can't find my keys. I'm you know, in essence, I'm saying I'm embarrassed. I'm vulnerable. Instead, we immediately jump to the secondary emotion of anger, you know, what do you do with my keys? Yeah, you're always misplacing my keys, my stuff. You know, this is your fault. So there is some displaced secondary emotion that is the opposite of accountability. So the challenges of accountability, it can be it can be a river that runs deep. You might be someone that from your childhood, nobody took accountability. So this might be a learned behavior. And so it can be really, really scary to take accountability. And there can even be people who their role in the home is to take accountability or ownership for everyone's problems. And then that can also create this dynamic where people are so used to that one person taking accountability, saying, well, it must have been my fault or, you know, that's my bad, that then people don't learn to take accountability for themselves. So quick story time.

[00:04:59] A few years ago, my son and I were in Las Vegas. We were attending the NBA summer league. That was something that before everything shut down, it was it was a fun thing that we would do every summer. And we had rented a car and we were entering the parking structure of the Thomas and Mack Center where the games are to be played. And I just took a corner too tight in the parking garage. And I scraped this entire rental car up against the side, the passenger side door and the door behind the passenger side door. And man, I felt that there was a lot of resistance from this very large giant hard cement yellow pole up against the car that I drove right into the side of it. So I got out and it was funny. I think I had a towel in the car and I got out with the towel hoping I'd be able to wipe it off. But you cannot wipe off what ended up being several thousand dollars of damage to the rental car. And I remember just that my immediate thoughts or emotions were I was embarrassed. I was humiliated. Here I am with my son. We're going to have this amazing time. And I literally just rented a wrecked the rental car. And I have rented so many cars in my life and that has never happened before. I became a therapist, you know, 10 years in the software industry traveling around the world, I have rented cars and rented cars and driven them on the autobahn, everyday cars in Taiwan or Russia or all throughout Europe. And here I am making it into a parking structure and I just scrape up the side of this car.

[00:06:25] But I remember in that moment just feeling like when I did it, I did that. And so, you know, it just I just kind of said to my son, well, I don't think I can wipe off all the paint that has come off of the yellow pole under the side of this car. And it just took the energy right out of the situation, the negative energy. And my son and I had a good laugh and we were going to the games. And I remember it was such a blessing, such a gift of just taking ownership or accountability for it, because I knew that there wasn't anything I could do. I knew that I was going to return the car. I knew that I probably needed to put in a call to my insurance agents that I did. And then we were able to just just have fun and made a couple of jokes about the car in a couple of other scenarios. I think at one point there was a car giveaway and I thought, OK, this would be nice. This would be a kind of serendipitous or, you know, the universe giving back if I could win this car after wrecking that one. And it was just it was just nice. There was this nice to take ownership and accountability. And quite frankly, I really hope that that was something that I then was able to model to my son that, yeah, own it.

[00:07:34] If you do something, it's it's your bad. It's OK. It's perfectly fine. So and I had somebody recently let me know that they appreciated when I will work in experiences as as a therapist who sees a lot of ah a fair amount of people who work or in relationships with spouses who suffer from narcissistic tendencies or narcissistic traits. And so I feel like this is where this leads into a little bit of gaslighting. This is not the the main topic today of the talk about gaslighting. But I couldn't help myself. I feel like accountability is the is the alter ego of gaslighting, because in just the past couple of weeks, I was looking over a few dozen emails that I had received from people who learn about something like gaslighting from my podcasts. And I have a document now that extends to 60 or 70 single spaced pages of gaslighting examples that people send in. And again, here's just a few you made me lose my wallet said from an adult male spouse, apparently his wife. It also made him lose his keys, made him forget to set the dry cleaning out on the porch and that one alone. Let me kind of set the scenario and here's I just want to show you how empowering it can be to take accountability in this scenario. This was a topic brought up in therapy. The dry cleaning van comes every Wednesday. And this couple was in my office and the husband was furious because according to him, she knew that it comes on Wednesdays.

[00:08:54] Now, for the record, she's never been in charge of his dry cleaning. That is something that he has done for years. And we made sure and kind of had that expressed. But instead of him simply saying, I spaced it, I space that in the dry, dry cleaning bag out on the porch. I'll have to wait until next week. Now, just feel that we would have been done with that conversation. But instead, we spent fifteen minutes trying to have a productive conversation around her, knowing that what what had happened every week and that apparently, you know, he was kind of saying that when she noticed that he had not left it out, when she went out on her run after he left for work, then she should have gone up and gathered his clothes, put them in the dry cleaning bag and set it out. And I was very proud of her. She simply said, I've never done that. The bag isn't there when I leave for my run because I believe they pick up the bag early and you leave for work early. So there was literally no way for me to know that. Now, you would how I would love it if then the guy would say, you know, you're right, that's my bad at any point, eh? You're right. That's my bad would have ended the conversation.

[00:09:56] But to which he replied that she now needs to check moving forward to see if the bag is in the closet when she wakes up and if not to set it outside. And so and I wish I could just say that it even into there. Then when she tried to do a nice, emotionally focused therapy or magnetic marriage connected conversation, kind of a script here and say, I hear you. I can appreciate if that's kind of where you're coming from, that that would make sense to you. But again, when I wake up, it's often the dry cleaning truck has already come and gone to which then he said, then I feel like you should wake up earlier. So instead of him saying I need to take ownership and accountability for putting out my dry cleaning like I have done pretty much my the last few years as a as an adult male who who can do those sort of things and has seen it work with success, he now was going deep with I need you to wake up early every week to double check and see that I haven't forgotten to get my dry cleaning gathered up and set it outside. So, you know, it's 15 minutes of their life. And remember, they're paying me as I try to help them make sense of this conversation. So instead of him saying my bad, I spaced it. Oh, well, next week.

[00:11:08] And on that note, I feel like if he honestly came home and said "I totally forgot to set my dry cleaning, can you believe that?" there would've been a much higher chance of her saying, oh, man, that stinks. Hey, is there anything I can do in the future to make sure you get it set out? You want me to set an alarm on my phone Tuesday night? I mean, that that would have been more likely of a scenario had he simply owned it and taken accountability. So there and I just again, in the last two or three weeks alone, I just went through and typed in gaslighting in my email search field. And just a few more here. Here's someone that wrote in that one year, every time we passed a certain piece of yard equipment, my spouse would pause over it. He would ask questions about it. He it was obvious that he liked it. So then I bought it for him as a gift. And then he totally rejected it, saying, I didn't want this. But, you know, the spouse the wife said that she took this as I guess I didn't really know him and she took the blame. But of course, as time went on, he really enjoyed it to the point of where, you know, had he just initially said, man, thanks, I had been noticing this and I really like it, then that would have just shifted the energy in the entire conversation.

[00:12:21] There was another one where I thought this was fascinating. I was looking through an example that was sent to me where the wife said that she had had the husband was working on a project and she heard some huffin going on. And then an impatient question thrown out into the air, where's my hammer? And she said that this is typically been the indicator that she now needed to start looking for the hammer and rescue him from his frustration, because no doubt there was going to now be commentary about how she always moved his stuff and he could never find it when he needed it, although because of situations like this, she had long since stopped moving anything. They had anything to do with the project that he was working on. There was one more that I thought was pretty fascinating. And again, these are all just within the last couple of weeks. It was someone that was talking about they were getting ready to go to bed and the husband would leave things on the bed if the wife left things on the bed, doesn't get very angry and he did not want to go to bed until everything was off of the bed. But in reality, it was if all of her things were off of the bed. So she said this still ended up being a fight, but it almost ended up being a fight about all kinds of other things.

[00:13:28] The husband just said, is the bed ready? And the wife said, well, I've cleaned up my things that were on the bed. And he said, so it's not cleaned off. And so she said, if you're asking if I cleaned off all of your things, then no, I didn't. And then he said, man, with all that I do, you know, I've only been gone for a little while. What you been doing? I mean, I'm sure that you're going to tell me you've got a list of all these things that you're doing. But all I mean, you could have cleared off the bed because you know that I like the bed cleared off before I get in the bed. And she said, I hear you. I appreciate that. But I feel like I get in trouble every time I touch your things, because she had numerous examples of times where she had gotten in trouble touching his things. And then he said, well, this is different. I wouldn't be mad if you put my stuff away. And even though in her mind she knew that there were times where she had put his stuff away and then apparently not put it in the right places and then got in trouble for, you know, I can't find my socks or that sort of thing.

[00:14:24] So these examples, I just want you to get that vibe. And if you're hearing this and you're one of those guys or girls that does that is constantly saying, OK, you made me lose my keys, you made me forget to do my dry cleaning or put it out. Take ownership, take accountability. Yes, it is hard. It can be vulnerable, but it is so empowering. So I want to to move on to an article that I really appreciated. This is by a Ph.D. Her name is Aaron Leonard and she runs the Peaceful Parenting Blog from Psychology Today. And this article. And I think that we can apply this into adult situations, adult relationships, she says. How to help your child with accountability. Modeling accountability may be more effective than demanding it. And that alone is why I love this article, because modeling accountability is is is more effective than demanding it. If you are demanding accountability, telling someone you need to take ownership or you have to own your part of this. Again, my favorite one of my favorite psychological principles, psychological reactance, the instant negative reaction of being told what to do kicks in strong, when someone is told you need to do this, our brains naturally say, no, I don't. Again, even if it's a positive thing. So Aaron says that although teaching a child that being accountable is important, embodying accountability may be more effective. She said that selfish moments and mistakes are inevitable when parenting, yet a self-aware parent may try replacing justification for parental error with a sincere and simple I'm sorry, and that is so effective. And I run into parents regularly. I was going to say all the time, all or nothing statement, harkening back to my episode last week, but who often say, I can't say that I'm sorry or I can't express that weakness or vulnerability because then my child is going to run right over me.

[00:16:12] And if that is what you are thinking or saying to yourself, then bless your heart. But that is a that is a defense mechanism. That's a wall that you have built up to protect you from having to be accountable. So it is far more powerful to say you're right, I'm sorry, my bad. And so she even says this may seem so basic, but it's difficult for a few reasons. First, many parents work their fingers to the bone most days in an effort to provide for their child and give their child opportunities that they may not have been afforded. And the amount of sacrifice that a parent endures for the sake of their child is incredible. Yet this actually might prevent a parent from delivering an authentic apology when the moment arises. Aaron said that, after all, it is one small mistake in the midst of a million sacrifices. Right? She says yes. But it's also a golden opportunity to model accountability instead of excuses. She goes on to tell a story. And I feel like we've most likely we've all had this experience, whether it's in a parenting moment or even in a situation with their spouse. She talks about an example as a parent spending, let's say, all day, eight hours at a child swim meet, or you can replace it with soccer game or basketball tournament or anything. And then the parent has to go to the bathroom or the parent needs to take a phone call or the parent just gets distracted. And then they miss a moment. They miss a race. They miss a play. They miss a goal. They miss a basket.

[00:17:30] And then the child afterward is so upset that the parent missed that race or that that dunk or that that shot or that goal or any of these things that the parents first instinct is defend to defend themselves and remind the child that they were there for the first two events or they've been here all day or they've been here for hours and that they have so much other things going on in the work call was of critical importance.

[00:17:53] However, this doesn't help the child feel better, nor does it model the accountability because the parent is just justifying and excusing his or her transgression. Aaron says that although it's tough for a parent to swallow their pride and admit a mistake, it's often the quickest way to model accountability for a child. If the parent is able to say, I am so sorry, yeah, that's my bad, I made a mistake. I'm sorry if that hurt. The parent is one hundred percent accountable. In addition, the parent is not making the situation about them because they're focusing instead on the child and the child's feelings. And that leads to I mean, again, the child might suffer with a very brief moment in primary emotion of sadness or anger, but then it is going to dissipate and be much more effective then. Now they're going to argue about do you realize how much I do for you? So in this moment, the child will feel better because the parent exemplifies an understanding of how their mistake made them feel. And this maintains trust in the relationship and it reinforces accountability as a virtue. Second, Aaron said that parents often shy away from admitting a mistake because they want to maintain this position of authority. But often they believe that if they surrender authority, then they somehow lose control. Yet the opposite is actually true. A parent who owns their mistake is two big things here. A parent who owns their mistake is secure and they are self aware. So when parents make themselves vulnerable to a child by admitting their mistakes or admitting a fault or admitting that they're human, now they're communicating to that child that they are strong enough to handle accountability. So the parents leverage actually then comes from garnering the child's trust or respect. It's not about power and control. And I love that concept. I want you to look at parenting as a way to model trust and respect. And it's not about trying to model power and control.

[00:19:40] Third, she said that a parent frequently refrains from apologizing because the child also acted inappropriately during an interaction. So the parent then is tempted to solely focus on correcting the child's mistakes, but in doing so ignores their own. And think about that. Think about what you're modeling. If you're saying, OK, but look what you did, then in essence, you are literally modeling to your child to point out the fault in others before owning your own part of that situation. So if the parent takes responsibility for their part of the conflict, that is the most effective way to find your child being more likely to take accountability or responsibility for their own negative behavior. So she gives an example for if a parent's late picking up their kid from a practice and the kid ended up being locked out of the gym or scared or cold as the child gets in the car and they throw their backpack across the back seat and they scream, Where were you? A parent's first impulse is to reprimand the child for acting out and say, you will not talk to me that way, you will speak respectfully. Yet it takes the focus off the original problem, which is a bit unfair. Instead, the parent, I hope, will try to say something like, I am so sorry. I can imagine you are worried or you were cold. But man, I would love it if you didn't take that tone or you didn't necessarily scream at me. You can tell me that you're mad, but if you could do that without yelling, that would be, that would be so nice that I would be grateful for that.

[00:20:59] So hopefully if the parent owns their part of the interaction, then the child will follow suit and then own his or her own part. And again, this isn't going to be an instant, instantaneous action. It is going to take time to model a parent who is never wrong in their relationship with a child who gets what will raise a child who is never wrong in their relationship with their parent. So being secure enough to own parental mistakes helps the child own their own missteps with a parent and others. So we need to learn how to shed that defense mechanism and embrace vulnerability. And if we embrace vulnerability and we add some accountability, then that is going to truly cement this idea of trust and the ability to get close to someone. And I feel like that is such an important concept. That last paragraph that I that I talked about is that if you are never wrong, what are you modeling your kid, that they too will never be wrong. They have not then seen a modeling behavior of saying I was wrong or I take accountability.

[00:22:01] I take ownership. If I want to go big on this, if I talk again about the concept of a personality disorder, there's often this belief that a child, every child is self centered and that's what kids are. But then they move from self-centered to self-confident. So if a child never sees modeling of moving from self-centered to self-confident and self-confident is expressed in "my bad" self-confidence is knowing that I will take ownership and accountability for something. And that's OK. So this is why I feel like especially with the work I do, it is imperative that we model that ownership or accountability because that is confidence. It takes a great deal of confidence to say I did that. I own that. That's my bad. It diffuses the situation and then it models to those around us. That man, that person just owned it. They're confident. And I want to be similar. I want that similar respect from others around me. Maybe the respect that that you feel when you are around someone that truly owns their part of a situation.

[00:23:04] There are a couple of just random thoughts that I wanted to get to. That was the main part of accountability. But I just jotted down a few notes and it was this concept of it's not my fault and I'm just going to kind of go off the reservation here. This is not an evidence based model or study, but these are some things that I've written down over time. Have a little tab in my notes section when I'm working with clients where if something that is interesting that I think would make for a good topic of a podcast, I'll write this down. So I've had a few of these from the concept of accountability for a while now. So here's something I wrote. I wrote, it's not my fault.

[00:23:37] I believe that often underneath even things like a mid-life crisis or have had a couple of incredible sessions with people who have struggled with some issues around things like chronic pain or fatigue or some of the some low grade depression or anxiety that they have always believed that they would be fill in the blank. They always have believe that they would be a pirate or an astronaut or a professional baseball, football or basketball player married to a supermodel driving the Batmobile while living on the beach. So if that didn't happen as they get older, then it surely can't be their fault. It has to be somebody else's fault or worst case. Man, if it if it hadn't been for my anxiety or hadn't been for my depression or hadn't been for my trick, me or my bum shoulder, then I would have been all those things. Then I would have been the pirate astronaut, professional baseball, football and basketball player, married to the supermodel driving the Batmobile while living on the beach. So and I just had that awareness or that aha moment a few times in therapy where talking with someone where they've again, I know that this is a broad general statement. I feel like I know more than many who work with people who seriously struggle with mental health issues, that, of course, mental health issues are real. There is there is chronic anxiety, there is clinical depression, there are chronic pain.

[00:24:50] But there are some people, even possibly somebody listening today that wants so much more out of life. But they're afraid. They're afraid to try something new. They're afraid to fail. Or here's the ones that run into the most. They're afraid of what their spouse will say or they're afraid of what their parents will say or what their friends will say with their clergy members will say even what their kids will say. Will they be made fun of what if they don't succeed? And people who have who kind of run by this this fear of the what ifs that that can start to over time? I feel like it can start to morph into a little bit of a from the man I really wanted to do this and I would have if it hadn't been for. And fill in the blank, so I even feel like starting to take ownership and accountability for even some of the small things in your life can truly build. I believe this is a line up online precept of one precept principle where the more one takes ownership and accountability of even the small things, the more that it can lead to taking ownership and accountability of the big things which can lead to major change, which can lead to a very, very productive and amazing life.

[00:25:57] So this is what has led to I've worked with so many people that have eventually changed up their looks, what they wear, their hairstyles, the glasses that they wear, the little bit of stubble or scruff on their chin, or they bought the car that they always wanted because that's what they have always wanted to do. And they're going to own it. They're going to take ownership of this. I mean, I can't tell you how many times somebody has said I always wanted to own a fill in the blank. I mean, one recently was a guy who said, I always wanted a truck, but my parents said that, you know, we aren't truck people. Does that even mean, you know, we all have our own likes or dislikes based on our experiences? So here's a silly example, and it's really silly. As a matter of fact, it has to do with my wife, who I, I hope I put out there enough that I truly love more than anything in the world. 30 years we've been married. And it has been incredible. And I have to tell you, I talked about her on another podcast and I was in the middle of my workday and I got a text from her and it is that virtual couch unsubscribe. And I just respond back and like, what? And she just said, you mentioned me on the podcast today.

[00:26:58] You know, it's like I'm unsubscribing. So I got I got kind of a laugh out of that. But so with the pandemic, I'm guessing that it's safe to say that you are most likely using more hand sanitizer at this point. My wife is now either run off the road if she's riding her bike or fallen off the treadmill, if she's running on a treadmill or maybe stopped to pause to think, is he really going to go big on this? So hand sanitizer, I go big. A pump pumps a certain amount for a reason, by golly. And I use the full pump and I get it all over my hands, my arms, my clothes, etc. my wife, not so much. So guess what? That is how I like it. That is how I enjoy my hand sanitizer. I don't know why. And she'll often laugh and say, you don't need that much to which I say, OK. And then I send it, as the kids say, I pump that pump like there is the last time I'm going to pump that pump because I am owning it. Accountability. That pump didn't make me do it. I'm not going to make something up and say, you know, I heard some studies recently that anything less than a pump is is isn't as effective and spreads further, spreads the coronavirus.

[00:27:56] No, I pump the full pump and I dig it because I do, accountability. There's there's a concept that we often do look and try to find fault in others as more of this coping skill that if we can find fault in somebody else than what they do that, then it's a way for us to say I don't have to own what I'm doing. It's like I can let that person know that what they're doing is dumb. I mean, now I that was not a perfect Segway. I was not saying that my wife is not owning the fact that she only wants to use a little bit of hand sanitizer. I'm realizing right now in the moment that I just have some random things that are out on my page. But but I feel like that can I hope that one resonates that often when we're saying, well, we'll look at what you're doing instead is a way to not say, no, I'm owning it. I'm going to pump the heck out of my hand sanitizer. And, you know, that's what I do. I'm owning it, every bit of it. So accountability truly is the answer.

[00:28:50] I mean, it's this concept of, I mean, admitting to our own weaknesses or our own imperfections is it is a huge step in true connection, connection with yourself, connection with others. And yes, there may and will most likely be people who will take that information and feel like now they have something on us. I know now that, oh, there's Tony and his hand sanitizer thing again, but let them, you can only control your own actions. And I feel like accountability can truly feel overwhelming at times. And it will cause you, again, to feel emotion. After all, you're human. You will most likely have to sit with a little bit of those primary emotions at times. But remember that sitting with the primary emotion, that emotion is going to pass and you're going to go on to bigger and better things. You're going to own your life if you feel that primary emotion, a little bit of embarrassment, but then you turn to that secondary emotion of anger. Well, now we're just now getting angry at somebody because they're not because they're making fun of you for pumping the hand sanitizer. Who cares? Pump the hand sanitizer. If you feel a little bit silly, that's OK. You'll get through that. You'll go about your day and you won't be in this quarrel with somebody trying to now find data that backs up your position about hand sanitizer. So accountability is not a dirty word.

[00:29:57] I mean, it's about taking ownership of our own stuff, our own lives. And it can be hard, but a consistent pattern of accountability and taking ownership of our role in our situations over life, over in her life becomes over time a bit of a calling card. So people will learn, I think, that they can count on us or they can believe us for our word.

[00:30:15] So in in closing, you conclusion accountability, not a dirty word. It paves the road that paves the way to learn and develop new skills and to build deeper connections with others. And it also models the type of behavior that we want in others, in our own kids, in those around us, and it just takes the negative energy out of a situation by saying my bad, by admitting to our own faults or mistakes, then we just shed that role of a victim and we take back the power to kind of own our own behavior in that can lead to some pretty powerful changes. All right. Hey, thanks for taking the time today to to hear this. I hope that you will now go forward and find something today, even a small thing that you can just say to somebody I know I did that. I own that that's on me. And just let that power just run course through your veins.

[00:31:07] So taking us away, as always, is the wonderful, the talented Aurora Florence with her song. It's wonderful because honest to goodness, life can be pretty darn wonderful. And until we meet again, I will see you next time.